Signing off...

Thank you all for reading and thus caring this summer. Your support has greatly added to my experience. I hope that I have given you a different perspective, and even perhaps left you inspired. There really is no substitute for going out into the world in a loving manner and engaging people where they are.

I can think of no better closing than with the words that changed my outlook on life years ago and continue to shape my perspective and worldview:

"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

-- Matthew 25: 34-40

Dios te Bendiga,

Mateo

Saying Goodbye

The last two days have been tough. Yesterday was my last day at the Colonia Santa Maria. I spent the last 30 minutes of the day laughing and talking with Margarita, Irvin, Alexis, Jonathan, and their extended family. Irvin wanted a picture with me, so he grabbed his camera and I mine, and we created a photo-frenzy. I gave everyone a hug and promised to return. Irvin begged me not to leave saying, "You can't leave until you become Mexican like me!"

Today I actually spent most of the morning and early afternoon in the US, taking Ryan to the airport and going on minor errands with Larry. The time in the van offered invaluable discussion with Larry. I am grateful for my time with Larry and for the many things I have learned from him.

We spent the remainder of the afternoon at Casa Bugambilla where someone had leaked that I was leaving tomorrow. I talked with many of the patients and said my goodbyes. I cannot express my feelings as so many people thanked me and said "God bless you" to me. They have no idea how thankful and grateful I am for them and the experiences we shared. Then, I became more popular than the new Brangelina baby as camera phones were pointed at me from all directions. I took pictures with everyone, some wanting more and more. The affection was overwhelming. Then Nancy gathered everyone at Casa Bugambilla and surprised me with a cake and a going away party. Nancy and Myriam (Pepe's mother who lives and helps out at Bugambilla) said some beautiful words to me; something I will not soon forget. Many tears were shed by the members of Bugambilla as they told me goodbye, thank you, and some of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me. However, the hardest was little Jabez who was angry with everyone and teary eyed beacuse of my departure.

After the little going away party, Diana was taking Jabez upstairs and he started wailing on the stairs and wouldn't go any further. I came up and picked up the little guy. I have never felt those hands grab onto my shoulders so tightly. I carried him around the corner and we both cried for a good while; his head buried in my shoulder. I patted his back and kissed his head until he stopped crying. I will never forget the love I felt at that moment- from him, and for him. I told him again and again that I'm coming back, and that I love him very much.

I have recieved so many complements and loving gestures today. As I retire for the night, I am still blown away by the love shown to me in these last 24 hours. I will miss these people very much, and I know that my life will not be the same.

Matt

A Conversation I had yesterday

I have been thinking a lot of a conversation I had yesterday with an adult leader from the Kansas group. He was talking about the need to feel accomplishment and "to see the change you've enacted." He wanted to see something tangible; a before and after picture. He even said it was a necessity. I understand this thought. I've reflected and at times struggled with this same question. I told him after 8 weeks, in the grand scheme of things, I'm not sure of the impact of my being here.

I asked him, "Why?" Why is it necessary for you to have something tangible to point to? I began thinking about this exchange more in depth last night. Why is the before and after pic important and for whom?

I came to a realization last night that seeing a house, a project completed can be similar to building your treasures here on Earth; they are in themselves their own reward. The most profound and meaningful impacts are those that touch someone's life, get personal and relational, and the effects of which are most likely not immediately seen. I think impacting someone's life in a real, personal, and long-lasting way is on a different level of service. This doesn't necessarily take time, but definitely takes effort.

This deeper level of service also requires the faith that God was working with you, and will continue working after you. It is required to believe that God will provide in the end, despite all of the evidence around you pointing to otherwise. If one is really, truly serving, then its not about you. The long-lasting impact that you may never see the extent of is much more meaningful and more in line with Christ's view of selfless love. If you can serve at that level and have faith in God to provide, then what does it matter if you can point to a picture and say that's what I did. Paint will fade, houses will eventually need to be rebuilt, roofs will again need to be repaired, but loving someone and being in a personal relationship with them can possibly change things in a way you could never imagine or even be able to see.

So, after 8 weeks, I can leave here pointing to all the concrete (pun included) changes which in the grand scheme are minimal, or I can take away the intangible variables: The kids I've played with and shown attention, the people I've talked to/worked for, the patients whose hands I've held, the communications with Larry, and all of the things that may not even seem like much. I have faith that God was with me, and I think I can leave with faith that God will provide.

Paz,

Mateo

It's good to laugh

Today was a nice, breezy and light-labor day. Ryan and I took some of the group from Kanasas out to paint, install a window, and finish up some other small tasks at Santa Maria. The window is installed and now provides Margarita with light, a nice breeze, and a place for hot air and smoke from the kitchen to escape. This small task of installing a window will make a world of difference for her.

After the volunteers left for the day, Ryan and I took Allysa Allen (juntos servimos board member and education expert) to Larry and Nancy's. She along with her daughter and son will be staying with us for the night which brings the total of people in the house to a whopping 10 people.

Today I found myself always laughing. I laughed at a young high school girl tripping over a bucket of paint, the jokes of Margarita and Irvin (who has been helping me paint). I also laughed as Alexis and I played again today, engaging in tickle wars. I also enjoyed watching him come up with deceptive and creative ways to sneak up on me.

Even after "work" ended, the laughter continued. I just finished watching the Simpsons movie with Mrs. Allen's young children. Will, 7 years old, was quoting the movie and begging me to "watch this part!" I enjoyed laughing at the jokes that were tailored for adults, and at the ones tailored for kids. It can be fun to lower your sense of humor to that of a 7 year old at times...

It has been a great day so far, and there is talk of going to the taco stand tonight for dinner; so I'm pumped.

Have a laughter-filled evening,

Matt

I'm tired

It is late and it has been a full day, so I'll just post some highlights of the day...

Lead a volunteer group at the Santa Maria Colonia. They did a great job and it went really well.

At Santa Maria I saw Alexis who suffers from Autism riding a bicycle. This was amazing, and a skill aparently he has learned in only a few days. He would zip around, in and out of the complex, even riding to a friend's house across the street. FYI, he is also very protective of his new toy.

Alexis and I also discovered a new game we can play. He will sneak up on me and try to tickle me. He loves to be in tickle wars - tickling each other and playing as most 7-8 year olds like to. It was a very neat moment as I saw him acting very happy and playful.

Playing with Jabez when I returned to Bugambilla. What a kid, it's going to be hard to leave him behind...

Picked up Ryan Gunter at the airport. We have lots of stuff to do in the next few days...

Until later,

Matt

Today was deceptive

I awoke as usual and stumbled into the kitchen to make coffee. To my surprise I awoke an hour earlier than normal with no assistance from any of the kids. I took this to be a sign that there would be a lot of work and that today was to be busy-despite having no volunteers.

Well, after being delayed an hour by phone calls, we arrived at Bugambilla around 9:45. Larry, Federico and I went out to Santa Maria to see if the roads were passable, and to see exactly what needed to be done. We arrived to find a wet, but passable colonia. Unfortunatley, many of the houses were built too low and took on water from the storm. Some yards are still better described as ponds. We got to the refuge and school there to learn that in fact many people had used the place as a refuge because of the high ground and concrete ceilings. There is indeed a lot of work that still needs to be done to get the house and school fully operational. Next week I will lead a volunteer group there and will be in charge of creating the space for and installing a window in Margarita's kitchen. I'm excited and a little apprehensive over this task and responsibility, but I am confident in my construction abilities after learning so much this past summer.

After a quick lunch at Bugambilla, Federico and I set out the tools needed for the three worksites so that they would be ready to go on Monday morning when the volunteers arrived. After a little more planning for next week, Larry retired to nap, and I worked on the computer creating a medical form for Dra. Nancy and a form that Larry and I created to better keep track of the food used at Bugambilla. Hopefully the latter form will help control some spending, while also cutting down on the number of trips to stores because it will force the women in the kitchen to use a little foresight. Along with these forms, I was able to be constantly plugged into my e-mail (Probably a comparable feeling to a herion addict sticking a syringe in his arm) and world news. It was a slow afternoon of computer work and surfing the web. Many thanks for the words of encouragement from the friends I chatted with and from the e-mails I recieved. The afternoon was going well until my friend and former roomate gave me an update on the Red Sox /yankees series and an inning by inning announcement of my team's defeat. Scott, you suck.

Thoughout the day there are always other little things that need to be fixed or done. For example, today when in one of the bathrooms, I noticed that the door handle was broken. In order to get out, it required some strength; more than the patients at Bugambilla would be able use. So, I replaced it. Unfortunately, we noticed many many more of these things as we were getting ready to leave at 6:15. The trash was building up, and for some reason (incompetance) the women in the kitchen had not called the trash-men and allowed trash to overflow and bugs to collect. Larry and I spent quite a while picking up loose trash, replacing trash bags, cleaning out the area, trying to kill the maggots, and all of the things related to that. After that, Larry began sweeping an area that Mimi had not swept and that was full of leaves and light debris. We noticed that the lumbar that had been delived earlier had fallen over because it was not stacked well, and that the kids had also messed it up by trying to climb on it. I re-stacked the 2x4 pile until it was neat and then created braces to keep it from falling or getting messed up. After that we cleaned up a large pile of junk, debris, branches, and other things from in front of Bugambilla in hopes of not allowing a place for bugs, mosquitos and rats to dwell. Finally, at 8:45 we left Bugambilla. What at some points seemed like a light day, quickly snowballed into a very dirty and full day.

Other than the plot summary above, the day was also filled with lots of emotions as today marks the decent into my final week. In many ways I am ready to get back, to re-enter a "normal" life with my friends, family and familiar surroundings, but I am also hesitant to leave. I have developed many relationships and care for people down here in a way that doesn't allow me to simply leave; I'm attached to this place, to these people. While I have quelled any thoughts of not making an impact or a difference, another question remains; one of hope and faith. Over the last few weeks and especially today, examples of incompetance, even stupidity on part of some of the people here have been all too evident. Progress will only come to this area of Mexico after a large social reform and much more education. While I am comfortable leaving, knowing that I've done what I can and that there will be those behind me to continue the work, I cannot help but wonder about the future of the colonia, and especially a few of the kids living there. What will happen to them? Do I have hope and faith that things will change and that these kids I've grown to love will turn out alright? It can be difficult to answer in the affirmative after seeing some of the things I have. That is where I am, trying to honestly leave with the faith and hope that progress is coming, and that I have been on the front lines enacting that change.

Sorry for its length,
-Matt

Hello Dolly...

Matt Merrill 1 ; Hurricane Dolly 0

Well, as some of you know and more of you have told my mother, Hurricane Dolly was headed straight for my location. Luckily it either turned North, or turned into a weak girly storm. I only mock this beast of nature because I have seen what little damage it did to the Matamoros / Brownsville area after quite a buildup of hype.

Yesterday I was sequestered with the group from Temple, TX in the Brownsville Methodist Church. Although we lost electricity for most of the day and night, we made the most of it. We played Operation by candlelight, I read and read and read by flashlight, and at night we used a candle and a butane lighter to pop a jiffypop popcorn package.

Today the group remained in Brownsville to be cautious and to see the Dark Knight. I went with Pat Pace and his associate David. The plan was to go by the warehouse, load up two trucks full of water and beans, then go to a shelter 1/3 of the way to fishing villages along the coast (Pat and David do this twice weekly, and I've been several times) and to return to Bugambilla in the mid-afternoon. We did load up the stuff, distribute food and water at the shelter, but also then proceeded to 5 of the fishing villages giving out food and water to the people who only rely on the shrimp and fish they catch to survive until about 8:00pm. We distributed food to between 75-100 families and helped several men transport their boat motors back to their boats, thus enabling them to work tomorrow. We had no trouble with the roads and were pleasently surprised by the lack of damage by wind or rain.

After a full day of distributing, we went to Casa Bugambilla to meet up with Larry. Once again, we were surprised by the lack of damage. Most of the paved roads are passable, while the dirt ones are now the muddy wreck that occurs after each rain. It really wasn't bad. I do not know much about the condition of the patients, but everyone I saw seemed happy and fine. I am going to spend tomorrow there helping where I can.

A closing thought, if I may, courtesy of my friend Aaron Villarreal in regards to my feelings as my time here comes to a close:
"and in some cases, you're just sowing seeds. It may be someone else's job to water them..."

-Matt

If You'll Let Me- Here's My Post

Written by Amy Merrill:

I asked Matt if I could crash his blog and well, what’s a son to do? Randy and I had a great weekend visiting Matt, spending some time understanding his world this summer, and just getting a feel for all the mixed emotions Matt has experienced throughout the past six weeks.
Our weekend started on Friday shopping for supplies at the Brownsville Wal-Mart with Larry and Matt. We were shopping for more pillows since Casa B. was due to increase its occupancy from a usual number of 7 to 9 to as many as 16. This is a relatively big jump for small space so much of our weekend was spent working on projects to comfortably accommodate all. Once we got across the border and over to Casa B we had the pleasure of getting to know the folks we’d only met in Matt’s blog. Lupita’s smile is fantastic; I enjoyed sitting with her and exchanging smiles and expressions. I could tell she wanted to convey all kinds of stories but doesn’t have the strength in her vocal cords to do so. She is slowly gaining strength in her neck through twice daily massage sessions.

We spent most of Friday afternoon at Casa and Friday evening at Larry and Nancy’s house. We spent time with Kayla who was very excited at having new visitors; she is 8 with a mental capacity of about 3 but is very sweet and loving. I would call her the “motor mouth” of the household but was very anxious to make sure she pronounced my name correctly and Randy’s. Through the evening and the weekend, I must’ve asked Larry hundreds of questions on how the system works in Mexico, how they get their families, who gets houses and how that is decided, and countless others. Larry very patiently answered each one as if it wasn’t really the thousandth time he’d been asked that question. Of all the questions and all the takeaways (and there are so many) I was most interested in how the community decides who needs the next house or where Larry should build the next school. It is obvious Larry and especially Dr. Nancy have become known throughout the community for helping so many and that the community takes the responsibility in deciding who is deserving of Larry and Nancy’s generosity. It makes for a synergetic relationship between the community and Casa B.

Saturday we embarked on our first “light construction project” building a wheelchair ramp. I asked Randy to take a picture of it – carpenter quality work! We enjoyed lunch with Larry, Dr. Nancy, Jesse, Nincita, Gloria, Jabez, and Kayla at a wonderful fish restaurant.
Gloria is 14, very smart, always smiling teenager who lives with Larry and Nancy. She is great with all the younger children and has a very quiet, kind soul. I could easily see her following Nancy’s footsteps to being a doctor some day.

Jabez warmed up to Randy and us throughout the weekend as he is somewhat shy. We played games imitating each other with peace signs, fists, and other hand signals – he is so cute and sweet. My heart still breaks and I tear up easily thinking about a mother leaving him for hours on end alone, hot, without anyone or any water. I think he will be far better off as the newest addition to Nancy and Larry’s household although how hard for someone that young to understand why he is not with his mother.

Unless you’ve been there you can’t really visualize the poverty. It is overwhelming. Walking along the dirt roads out to the canal where companies dump their waste, the smell is nauseating yet there are houses all along there as it was beachfront property. The roads are all formed by nature; if a big rainstorm comes it is difficult to get through the mud. There is no good water source, no plumbing, and in many cases no electricity. If there is electricity, there is usually a fan but that is the extent of the relief to the heat. It certainly makes one appreciate all they have and wish that there was more parity in the world.

I know it is hard when faced with such overwhelming poverty to wonder if the time you spend or the little things you do make a difference. If the short time you’re with someone, does it really impact the rest of their life? I don’t have answers for these questions but when we were at lunch at one point five children ranging in ages 2 to 14 were chanting Mateo, Mateo, Mateo
- I got the feeling one very special young man was making a difference the summer of 2008.


Thanks Mom; I love you.

Matt

Nuggets of Mission Wisdom

Today was the last day of work with the group from Allen. They accomplished a lot and worked constantly with good attitudes. I really enjoyed interacting with them, and as I drove to several different work sites today, I saw the good jobs that were accomplished. I also found a radio station that carries over from Brownsville that played all of my guilty pleasures; great afternoon.

Tonight they invited Larry and I for dinner, and a special closing ceremony and communion service. It was very special as we shared in communion and recalled our experiences from the week. There came a time when the seniors of the youth group were asked to give their departing wisdom to the younger students in the group. As I sat there and thought of what I would say after spending 6 weeks here in Matamoros 3 things came to mind. These are directly targeted at the youth group and by no means cover what I have learned or experienced, but I thought I would share it with all of you because someone may find these words helpful:

1) In the next few years and really throughout your life, you will be presented with many opportunities to serve and to do many miraculous things. Do them. Never turn down an opportunity because of fears, doubts, or excuses. The most meaningful things in life often occur in the unknown, where we are drawn outside our comfort zones and asked to do things for something greater than ourselves.

2) I know what it means to spiritually struggle. There are times in my life in which I have been full of doubts and questions, often overshadowing my hope and faith. These times are painful and complicated. If you are experiencing this, or maybe if you encounter this in the future, I have some advice. Do something like this. Go on a mission trip. Find a way to serve, whether it is going to Mexico, or simply volunteering at the local soup kitchen. Find a way to genuinely get in the lives of those who are suffering and serve them in a loving way. One thing I have found is that when you do this, and simply live in the moment, all of the other things seem less important. What demands your attention is the suffering of others you are working to alleviate, and somehow the practical actions of living out what Christ talked about all those years ago dissolves many of the questions and doubts into a gray area that is less important and more manageable.

3) And lastly, know that it is ok if you feel weird or out of place next week. Know that some of the feelings and experiences you have had will not begin to be processed until you have had a few days separation and are back in the "real world." This is fine and to be expected. I hope that you leave here with questions, with a changed perspective, and with an aching heart. Next week may seem weird and challenging, but its what you do with these emotions, thoughts, and perspectives that will ultimately define your experience.

Quickly, other cool things that happened today:

We had a communion service at Casa Bugamilla for the sick, in which Hugo gave a great sermon in Spanish.

I have been taking my pocket size New Testament and Psalms book (thanks to the Gideon outside Branscomb freshman year before my 8:00 math class) into the bathroom for a little toilet reading. This is surprisingly an amazing way to make sure you read the Bible at least once a day. Anyway I was flipping around, reading what caught my eye and I found this part of Psalm 82:
"Defend the poor and fatherless; do justice to the afflicted and needy. Deliver the poor and needy; free them from the hand of the wicked." --Verses: 4-5

I don't really know if I like the whole psalm or if I really understand it, but I'll take these two verses in the context I choose and like it.

Dios te Vendiga,

Mateo

"You'll have to excuse my friend, he's a little slow"

I'm sorry about the lack of updates, but I assure you I am alive, healthy, and well. I have continued to carefully stay away from police officials, and no harm has been done.

The reason I have not updated honestly, is because of a stagnant chain of events. Everything I have done or seen in the last week, for the most part, I have described to you all. A few interesting events though....

There has been a man at Bugambilla with heart problems and several others. He cannot move independantly and began speaking to me the other day. I couldn't understand a word. I was the only one around and he looked to be in a lot of pain, so I started getting upset with myself and my inability to hear his words. It was as if he didn't have the strength to pick up his upper lip and move his jaw. I got someone else and together we moved him into the kitchen to eat. I found out that no-one, could understand him. Over the last couple of days he would scream and I would help move him from his bed to a wheelchair and vice versa. There was a time I just sat with him and held his hand. His eyes looked terribly sad, as if he wanted to die but couldn't. That must be a horrible condition to live in.

This week we have had a group from Allen in; they have 55 people. It has been great interacting with a youth group, and helping them with their projects. They have been great with the kids, and have helped us institute a new education program for volunteers.

Even among volunteers and refreshing personalities who add new perspectives each day, the work down here can become monotonous. It is not hard to become absorbed in the consistancy of the work day after day, and discouraged by the consistant suffering around you. Although I have been having a good experience, at times it is hard to not think about the comforts of home. With this base of understanding some of my emotions add this next part which I tell not to shed light on myself but merely to portray the complex feelings of my experience. The last few days have been tough as Nancita asks me almost every 5 minutes when I'm leaving and when I'm coming back. Nancita and Gloria have both tried to convince me to stay permanently, and Jesse has even offered up his room. It plays with you, I promise. The fact that Nancita keeps hugging me because I am leaving "very soon" is an amazing compliment, yet is a reminder that I have a responsibility to continue these relationships. As I long for home sometimes, these kids somehow sense that, and make it harder to leave.

With much love and a commitment to write more frequently,

Matt

Friends

"I get by with a little help from my friends"

Well, I haven't written in the last three days because I have been having too much fun with Alex and Neil, my two friends from Dallas who share my passion for service. The last few days have been amazing as I laughed a lot, responded to lots of tough questions, and somehow build a bathroom in Casa Bugambilla.

Not much on the work end of things happened this week; just more of the same. We are currently re-doing a storage / shop area and turning it into different rooms for patients. I have of course been spending more time with Jabez, Lupita, and the regulars at Casa Bugambilla.

On a different note...
It's amazing what you see down here. I have seen such suffering, corruption, and incompetancy. Sometimes it seems overwhelming. However, no matter how much I see, no matter what I simply can't change--It is important for me to do what I can. I seem to understand what some others down here, mostly another service organization, don't: That it is not enough to settle for something that is "better than nothing." I am comforted by the fact that the work I am doing is going to last. While not drastically changing entire cities, I am significantly affecting the lives of some. The houses I help build will survive a storm, unlike some of the ones I saw today built by another group. Whatever worth doing, is worth doing well right? Well for now, I am serving here; and I plan on serving as best as I can. Sometimes you must surrender you ambitions and desires to change the whole situation, and focus on changing individual problems one by one.

Sorry if I seemed to ramble or go off on a diatribe, but I did see some disturbing examples of incompetance and exploitation by people who claim to be helping and "doing good in the community". I am not so convinced, and a little angry.

Please keep e-mails and comments coming. I really appreciate them.

Paz,

Matt

"Bring on the Rain"

I can't believe I quoted Tim McGraw and Jo Dee Mecina. That was obviously for you Mom.

Anyway, today I awoke to the sound of raindrops hitting the window. I awoke fully refreshed, slowly made my way out of the room to start some coffee only to find that it was 6:45 and that I was ahead of schedule. Anyway, the day had a lot in store.

We went to Casa Bugambilla to find that there was a lot of water threatening the patients rooms and acumulating towards the back. Due to the city building the roads a good two or three feet higher than promised, water runs the wrong way--toward the houses. When there was a break in the rain, Larry, Santos, Antonio, and I grabbed buckets and filled up a 200 liter drum many, many, many times and then dumped it into the street. We did the same after lunch during another break in the storm. All in all, its not unreasonable to think that we moved more than 8 tons of water today.

When the storm was too strong to move water, I played with Jabez, Lupita, and Melaria. Melaria is Teresa's youngest daughter who speaks way too quickly for me to understand and hangs out at casa bugambilla. It was a fun, low-key aspect of the day. It was funny blowing bubbles, and playing with these little kids, something I have found that I do very well.

More fun awaits tomorrow as my friends Alex and Neil are joining us here for what is bound to provide even more laughter and joy to the work day.

Anyway, thanks for reading!

Mateo

Heee'sss Baaackk!

Wow! Today I flew back to Matamoros. Larry met me at the airport where we began talking about everything from politics to the most basic of events over the last week. It was all great conversation that lasted us through the drive, a wal-mart supply run, and dinner. The Sunday Times and Time Magazine I bought at the airport today may or may not have helped.

When we arrived at the house, I opened the door to four kids all yelling my name and running for hugs. It was honestly surreal. I could not have imagined a better welcome, or a sweeter return than to those voices and hugs. The best moment of the day though was when Jabez began saying my name, ran towards me and literally jumped into my arms. He quickly told me to watch as he showed me his new skill, the summersault. All my frustrations and fears about not making an impact here melted away. I couldn't believe the love I felt today, and I only hope that I have at least shown them a fraction of that.

Today was amazing, and most importantly re-assuring. Today reassured me of my significance and importance here. What a blessing!

Love,

Matt

A relevant fortune cookie

While at Pei Wei tonight I had a few fortune cookies. This is what one told me: "The courage to be great lies deep within each of us." I started thinking of this on the ride home and how it applies to me. I also noticed my growing frustration over the last couple of days as I near the return to Matamoros for another 4 weeks.

Over the last week, I have been thinking about my experience and poorly explaining it to everyone in Dallas. It is a very hard summer to describe as it has been a summer of contradictions. This summer has been a dichotomy of wealth/poverty, comfort/suffering, joy/sadness, significance/lack of change, and hope/despair. Now I know what Joseph Williams and a few of you are thinking, "Matt you are using a logical fallacy." Although this may be true, as it is possible to have joy among sadness, comfort among suffering, etc... when I'm in the moment, I find myself dealing with extremes. These extreme feelings have accounted for much of my frustrations and my tired state of being. I am still frustrated as I find myself floating back and forth between these emotions and perceptions.

Of all of these, my attention this last week has been drawn to the question of the significance of my experience, and the dichotomy of hope/despair. I find myself often asking, "What have I really done?" "What lasting change will I be able to enact?" "Who is really benefiting here?" It is easy for me to get caught up in the vastness of the need and suffering of the people in Matamoros and difficult to feel like I have even moved a gain of sand on a metaphorical beach. It has been difficult to look at the last four weeks and at the four to come and ask myself, "Is it enough?" only to come to the answer, "No." I ultimately have not done enough. I'm not sure enough can ever be done. So, where does that leave me? Frustrated.

I've found that another part of my frustration lies in what I know to be the hard choice, the easy choice and the right choice. I know what is the right thing to do, and then I know what I selfishly want to do. Not surprisingly, they are in contrast. I know that the right thing (at least for me right now) is to go back, to re-enter into the service of others. However, this is also the harder of my options. I know that it would be much easier for me to not go back, to stay in Dallas and relax until school started. But, as The Fray puts it, " Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same," and I know what I must do. As a cookie told me tonight, I must dig deep within myself and find the courage to be great-- to do the hard, the right thing.

I look forward to seeing how I will continue to grow and learn through this experience, and how I will serve. Thank you for reading--it means a lot. Please keep supporting me through comments, e-mails, and prayers.

Matt

Pictures

You can view my pictures by clicking the link below:

http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=0EcNmLNw5YsnJw&notag=1

enjoy!

Matt

A Brief Hiatus

As Rev. Paul Rasmussen asked me today, "Aren't you supposed to be out of town? Aren't you supposed to be blogging somewhere?" In short; yes. However, for one week I will be enjoying a short break back here in Dallas.

Being in Matamoros has been amazing, rewarding, and very difficult. I am looking forward to these few days to rest, relax, and to process some of my experiences. I am what some might call in a glass case of emotion, as I sort through the joy, sadness and anger that has accompanied the last month's experiences.

Thank you for the support and for reading. Expect new posts in about a week.

Paz,

Matt

I really don't have a clever title

Today was filled with more construction with the group from Iowa. I was in charge of getting people set up at the different work sites, and then overseeing the Santa Maria construction site. It was a great day. I enjoyed the work, and getting to know the group better. After work today, we returned to the house. Here I learned that it was the last day of school for Jesse and Nancita. After they told me, they burst out into cheers as if Mexico won the world cup. Dra. Nancy and I had a good laugh at that. Now that school is out, the kids will continue swim lessons almost every day. These kids love swimming. They brag about when its their day to go to swim lessons, how well they're doing, and compare themselves to each other constantly. We never thought that swim lessons would consume their desires and conversations, but it has.

Today Diana (mother of 2 year old Jabez) gave birth to a baby boy. Both mother and child are healthy. She is still in the hospital recovering from the C-section, so tonight is the second night in a row that little Jabez has been staying with us. He is an amazing little boy and full of laughs. He runs around the house, especially wherever I am, yelling Ma-te-o. He insists on sitting next to me and has rarely left my side since I walked in. In fact, before writing this, he was leaning up against me as all of us kids were watching the Simpsons (some comedy does carry across languages). I feel really honored and love playing with the little guy, but I can't help but feel sad as I recognize the lack of a father figure in his life. As I walked around with him today on my shoulders, or held his hand down the stairs, or picked him up after he fell, I couldn't help but think that someone else should be doing all of these things. Some guy has no idea what he has walked away from.

I have also really enojoyed getting to know Gloria more the last few days. She has pushed me to talk more, as she can't understand why I don't talk as much as her teenage friends. In the last couple of days we have connected over music. Although not many of our tastes overlap, I at least know all of the American bands she listens to, some of which I listened to in middle school. It has been good to connect in some way. She has a very sad story which I'd heard from Larry and Nancy, but am also begining to hear from Gloria as well. She is an amazing girl and to have such a good outlook on life is inspiring, even as she tells me about some of her freinds with similar situations but harmful coping mechanisms.

This has been a great day. I feel as though I have worked hard this week, but more importantly the relationships I have been making are strengthening every day. I cannot be happier about that.

Paz,
Mateo

Mass, Food, Work

Sunday was a more relaxed day, as it should--being the sabbath and all. We began the day by taking the volunteer group to a mass that Dra. Nancy likes to go to. It is a little over an hour/hour & 15 minutes drive from Matamoros. We went to this mass because the priest, Father Emillo, is supposedly the real deal. He used to preach in Matamoros, drawing huge crowds, and even started a children's home for abandoned children. A real nice guy who became successful by preahing good homilies, and doing good in the community. This apparently sparked some jealousy and other bad feelings from the other priests. When they got their opportunity, they re-assigned him to a church in his small home town. The joke is kind of on them, because as we showed yesterday, people still drive to see him. The church was packed, and the message was good; I only wish I understood more of it. The basic jist-- Do things not out of fear but out of confidence, the confidence you find in Christ. I didn't catch to much of it beyond that.

After church (1:30ish) we went to a little resturant for some good Mexican eats. This was by far the best meal I've had in Mexico. We had homemade fajitas, guacamole, bean soup, a variety of salsas, and a cheese dish that went well inbetween a tortilla. Seriously, amazing stuff. Then we drove back in the rain to Matamoros, where the group wanted to work for about 4 hours.

I continued to build truces and teach some of the volunteers how to do so. Others worked on several houses. After dinner, we went on a walking tour of Derechos Humanos, one of my favorite aspects of what Larry does. We introduced them to some of the families, and showed them the canal. The horrifics of the canal had a grave impact on me last year, and its kind of pleasing /refreshing to see others react in the same way. This canal (20 feet from homes) is the Mexican answer to NAFTA and sweage. The canal consists of what comes out of toilets that flush, and what comes out of the Maquiladores, or factories created just along the border to avoid US regulations. These Maquiladores drain their waste into the canal, leaving toxic chemicals in the canal which could easily overflow into people's homes. One time they took a sample of the canal to see what was in it. Most bacteria levels could not be read because they were so far off the charts. They did find that there was a high level of Benzene, which is a known carcinogen. The EPA standard is that for every 5 parts benzene, you add 1 billion parts water to properly dilute it. The test showed that the canal had 300x the normal level of benzene. Such toxicity, so close to so many homes... <http://www.epa.gov/OGWDW/contaminants/dw_contamfs/benzene.html>

One of the pipes spewing toxic waste into the canal. Notice the green and red discolorations of the concrete...


On another sad note:
If you are the praying type, please pray for Hart Family who tragically died in a car accident yesterday, their friends and family, and for others involved in the accident. Geoff, his wife, daughter, and two boys they were adopting today, were leaving church yesterday in Plano when a driver ran a red light and hit their minivan. Their family of 5 were all killed, and the other driver was in the hospital yesterday. The Harts were good freinds of Larry and Nancy, Geoff even serving on the board of Juntos Servimos, where I met him.
http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/dn/latestnews/stories/062308dnmetplanofatal.2b573c1a.html


Matt

Dr. Mateo

Today, once we got going, was a great day. I spent the day building roof truces at Casa Bugambilla for a house we are building with a group from Iowa. We are set and ready for tomorrow when the building and other projects begin. It was a great day of thereputic hammering, sun, and manly construction. In the afternoon, I draped a hand towl over my head for shade, turned on my ipod and continued constructing. I haven't felt more Texan in a long time as I working with wood, in the blazing heat, while listening to George Strait. What a great way to spend the afternoon; and to top it all off, Larry and I ate good Texan BBQ at Rudy's in Brownsville for dinner. It reminded me of all the good times with the guys at Tatum's ranch; I can't wait for August.

I also was asked to work with Carla on physical therepy. Dra. Nancy had me write down all of the procedures and take copious notes when Leanna was here a week ago, so I had the exercises available. So for about 30 minutes, I worked with Carla who has Rett's syndrome. Later I learned that the people of Derechos Humanos (the neighborhood where we work) call me Doctor Mateo. Apparently, since I have been doing physical therepy, sitting and talking with patients, and delivering meds they think I'm a doctor. Saved myself 8 years of school on that one! Just kidding, I've instructed people to quell that rumor.

Anyway, I'm doing well. I feel like I'm doing a lot of good, and learning a lot about many different aspects of life. I appreciate your comments, and reading this blog. The support means a lot and to know people care adds to the significance of this experience. Please keep e-mailing me!

Dios te bendiga,

Mateo

More Prep

Today we are getting off to a delayed start because Keyla is having a rough day. When this happens, Larry and Nancy keep her home from school, so Larry and I can't leave until someone comes to watch Keyla. Not a big deal, but now I have a few minutes to write an update.

Today we are going to continue preparing for the group from Iowa that arrives today. That's right, Iowa. I am stunned that they've decided to come and not cancel due to the obvious catastrophe that has happened near their home. It shows an amazing commitment to service. So, today we will work at Santa Maria, the school we are building, and at a new building site where a family will get a new home. Everything should be ready for them to start working tomorrow.

Top Albums of the week:
"Pairs in the Morning" by Joe Purdy
"Narrow Stairs" by Death Cab
Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3
"X & Y" Coldplay

Book I'm reading this week:
Walden

-Matt

How to put this tastefully

Well, It happened. Last night and today I was sick, of the diarreah type.

Cause: Unknown; suspected egg dish made by Dra. Nancy.
Prognosis: Good, expected to make a full recovery.
For Mom: Really, I'm fine. It's not a big deal.

So due to my stomach and such, not much got done today. Larry and I delivered medicine to two children, one with ADD and the other with Schitzophrenia. Then I watched / napped through Piarates of the Carribean 2, and the two best movies ever made: The Mummy and The Mummy Returns (thanks Jesse). All-in-all, not too bad of a day.

Paz,
Matt

Can You Dig It?

What a day! Today was full of bad translating, physical exhaustion, and laughter....and no I haven't been watching Shaft! (Remember, that show's older than I am)

This mornings' task: Dig a foundation, you dig?. I was able to work hard this morning, but decided to leave it to the professionals in the afternoon. I never surrender, but sometimes I'll put things off until later. This was grueling work, and as to how Santos and Antonio do this on a regular basis, sometimes multiple foundations in a week...I just don't know. I do attribute my 1/2 day of work to several tactical mistakes on my part:

• Mistake 1: Not eating breakfast, thus depriving myself of energy


• Mistake 2: Accepting a Coca-Cola from the very nice family -- wasn't a good choice while I was working


• Mistake 3: The heat and Mexican sun, and;


• Mistake 4: I'm a suburban white kid who spends most days in an air-conditioned room, not digging through levels of earth and old concrete...

After breaking for lunch (thank God), I did some things around Casa Bugambilla that needed to get done, replacing screens on windows, organizing storage, and doing a few errands with Larry.

Today was also filled with laughter, not just physical exertion. Along with the daily conversations with Larry, and my inability to fully communicate in Spanish, I was once again awakend by Keyla coming into my roon and looking at me. This time I woke up when she cleared her throat loudly. When she saw that my eyes were opening, she asked, "Como estas? (How are you?)." To which I promptly sputtered out, "bien Keyla, adios" (well Keyla, goodbye). There's nothing like a personal alarm clock that cares...and can't be set.

The other couple of things that had me cracking up all afternoon, involved Jabez (the 2 year old at Casa Bugambilla). After I had returned from an errand with Frederico, I noticed that there was a fresh piece of...um...excrement at the bottom of a stairwell leading to the upstairs rooms. I assumed a dog, but when Diana walked near later with Jabez, she pointed and asked Jabez, "What happened here?" I was curious so I eavesdropped from the computer, only to see him tilt his head to the side and say, "Mato?", his version of Mateo. Diana didn't buy it, and then he tried to blame it on her, which was probably not a smart strategy. I was loudly laughing at the situation, which I'm sure helped whatever discipline efforts Diana tried, but let's face it, that little guy is funny. Jabez kept me laughing throughout the day, as I took a page from my grandfather's book and taught him to stick his toungue out as a means of salutation. We would greet each other this way, and his facial expression and obvious enjoyment was hillarious.

Until later; Paz,

Mateo

A Modern Day Mother Teresa

Although Dra. Nancy would disagree profusely (which she has already done on several occasions), I cannot help but draw the comparison between her and Mother Teresa. Dra. Nancy has surprised me with her love and dedication to others; not because I didn't expect it, but because I didn't expect it to such an extent. I often think that the 10-12 hour days Larry and I put in are tough, but then I notice that Dra. Nancy gets the kids ready for school in the mornings while Larry and I get ourselves ready, and usually comes home after we have already propped our feet up and turned on the TV. I have never met someone who works so hard and complains so little. In fact, the only times I have heard a complaint from her was in regards to the well-being or mistreatment of others.

Also, her faith is amazing. She has shown me such spiritual discipline and reliance on her faith in my short time here. It is amazing to watch her work, as her love for God and others shines through everything she does. My friend Robert Funke says it well when he says his faith is a lens through which he views all things. I cannot think of someone who this phrase more accurately applies than Dra. Nancy. It is evident that she sees everything from the perspective of her faith and Christian love. Kind of inspiring...

Today was a little bit of a frustrating day as I was more of a tour guide than anything. Larry, Nancy, and I showed around a group labeled MACC from the states as they were seeking to learn more about the Mexican culture and heritage. However, I did happen on a very cool moment. We went to a house to visit yet another boy with Cerebal Palsay, who I would later learn is the very young uncle of Lupita. He did not recieve any therepy or help from his parents, and although he is still very young, he will most likely never walk, and has a whole plethra of problems. I walked into the small two bedroom house and walked in on Dra. Nancy praying over an asleep Javio. She had a look in her eye that is hard to describe and a few tears in the sides of her eyes. This is a person who cannot stand to see others suffer, and indeed suffers with them. It was a very special, and dare I say, holy moment. She soon left after brushing his hair aside. I took a few minutes to pray for him myself before departing and introducing myself to his mother outside. A pretty cool experience, that confirmed my suspicions...Dra. Nancy is a saint living among us.

Dra. Nancy does have one flaw though, that I can see. Today she took Jesse and the girls to see the Incredible Hulk. Normally I would see no problem with this, but Jesse now believes that he is the Incredible Hulk. He also believes that I am whoever the Hulk's enemy is. Aparently the Incredible Hulk likes to jump on people when they are lying on the couch, jump on their back, and punch continuosly. In all seriousness though, I have a lot of fun fighting off the little guy, and can easily hold his arms with one hand and tickle with the other. Its only when he yells, "Nancita Ayudame! (Nancita Help me!) am I in trouble.

"Ask and you shall receive!"

The amount of support and responses I've recieved concerning my last entry has been astounding. Thank you.

Yesterday Leanna, Larry, and I again worked with Lupita, Chilito, and a little girl with Rhett Syndrome named Carla. It was a great day of physical therepy, working muscles, stretching, and discussing what exercises and equipment will be helpful for the patients after Leanna leaves. I was floored when Larry recieved a phone call and I recieved an e-mail from a generous person at HPUMC who has had experience with celebral palsay. She was inquiring and offering to aid us in getting Jonathan his pacer walker. What an amazing response!

Today, members from a Brownsville mission were cleaning out a storage shed and brought excess wheelchairs, canes, crutches, and other medical supplies. It was an amazing gift, and they even brought a physical therapist's table which was perfect for our morning with Chilito. We were seeing things begining to fall into place. Chilito was awesome during therepy. Despite her old age and discomfort, she fought through the pain to exercise her legs and pushed herself beyond anyone's expectations. She at least tripled what she could do yesterday, and responded well to a few new exercises. After one particularly painful exercise in which Leanna backed off, I heard her mumble something along the lines of "I can lift/do more." For me, today was much more "hands on" I helped with many exercises, held people both big and small, young and old. I seemed to constantly be pushing, pulling, bracing, holding, or supporting someone (and lots of translating). It's quite a feeling.

Lupita also had a good session in which we helped her sit, stand and placed her feet in a walking motion on the floor. Lupita has already shown an increase in neck/ head control. She can lift and support her head most of the time, and showed great control over her trunk today. She also seemed more relaxed and willing to try things. She responded well to therepy and provided lots of laughs as her eyes followed Jabez around the room. He even offered to share his toys with her, and when we touched her hand to his, her eyes lit up and a smile stretched as far as her face would allow. It was a great session, and as we braked for lunch we thought the day couldn't get any better. Lupita has already shown great improvement, and her mother has too. Mimi actually assisted us in a few exercieses today! It may not sound like much, but that is a huge change from the last few years. Perhaps, we gave her some hope, or a glimpse of what can happen. Lupita is also a "prime candidate for a pacer walker", and with help, she too may walk.

Imagine my joy at the donation, the generous idea of getting a pacer walker from Dallas, and the successful sessions with today's patients. Then one of the trucks from this morning's donations came by with one last donation. Leanna saw him pull up from inside; I was outside, and both of us saw some contraption in the truck bed. Leanna came running outside just as he opened the tailgate to display a fully loaded pacer walker. It had everything Jonathan needs, and was correct down to the size of each attachment. Words cannot begin to describe my feelings at this moment, so Leanna's tears of joy and my "cloudy" eyes will have to suffice. Those of you who know me, know that I really don't like it when people through around Christian rhetoric with vague meanings...but this was truly a work of God. To have a pacer walker (value $2700) delivered to our doorstep with the exact attachments, in the exact sizes, by people who did not know about Jonathan, our plans to buy one, or my blog is nothing short of miraculous. Too many things fell perfectly into place, as we recieved this gift around 3:00pm today and have planned on visiting Johnathan in Reyonosa tomorrow since Monday. It truly is amazing. With this tool, Jonathan's perserverance, and his parent's determination, we are quite confident that he will walk.

It looks like we will still need a walker for Lupita, but the blessings I have been shown today are remarkable. I will not soon forget the smiles, excitment, laughter and joy of the past few days, and I can only expect more tomorrow when I see Jonathan in his new walker!

Paz,
Mateo

Several Hard Days

I haven't gotten to write for a few days; so, I'll apologize upfront for the length of this post. It covers the experiences from last Sunday to tonight. These past three days, although requiring a minimal amount of physical output, have exhausted me and pushed me beyond the reaches of anything I had yet experienced in this internship.

On Sunday, Larry and I went to Los Fresnos to meet a volunteer group from Indianapolis, IN. One of their members happens to be a children's physical therapist. This has turned out to be a blessing for this community too great for words. Leanna has done some amazing things with several children with disabilities in the community. We first visited Angelita (translates to Little Angel) who lives down the road from Casa Bugambilla. I remembered Angelita from last year as a girl who was overweight, bed-ridden, and without neck control. I was joyfully surprised to see her this time in a wheel chair (given by Larry and Nancy) and able to not only keep her head up, but move the wheels. Angelita has always had an infectious laugh, and seems to love to talk. Angelita does however suffer from spina bifida, and has an estimated ninety degree curve in her spine. This leaves her without feeling from the mid-torso down, and a shorter than normal trunk which accumulates a lot of her weight. Because of her weight and spine curvature, her lungs are not able to fully inflate, leaving her with a very small lung capacity. Despite her disability, she was very cheerful and provided lots of laughs as she and I played with a basketball (I would roll it to her and she would use her hands to manipulate her feet into kicking it back to me) and as Leanna snuck in a few tickles between checking on her spine. Her prognosis requires years and years of work, but her parents are determined to help her. The main goal is to get her to sit up by herself and possibly get her to transfer herself from wheelchair to bed. This is a long-term goal, and Larry and Nancy have already raised money for some helpful surgery, and her parents seem like the type of people who will work with her and help her achieve her goals. She was the only child we could find for Leanna that day, so we set up a few "appointments" for the next day.

On Monday, It was more time with Leanna. This time, we spent the morning with Jonathan who is a little 2-year old boy from Reynosa Mexico, about an hour and a half away. His parents brought him all that way to meet with Leanna, the father sacrificing a full day's pay from a 4 day factory work-week. His love and dedication to his son was extremely evident from the begining. I watched this man, Jesus, about as much as I watched little Jonathan who has cerebral palsy, a truely diabilitating disease. Jonathan was a real trooper and seemed to respond well to Leanna. On this morning, he got about 3-4 hours, one on one with a physical thearapist. This is a huge difference from his normal routine of 3 1-hr sessions in a class with 12 other kids with disabilities; which translates to at most 5 minutes three times a week. Leanna showed the parents some exercises to do and worked with Jonathan on the floor. They want to see him walk, but in-order to ever have a chance, he needs a special walker. It is almost certain he will get one, even if Larry has to dip further into his own pocket. My heart was crushed for this family as I saw their young son struggle with such a huge obsticle and imagined the parent's daily struggles and sufferings as well.

In the afternoon, we visited Lupita, an 8 year old girl who also has cerebral palsy. Lupita is up to about 30 pounds now thanks to lots of pedia-lite from Larry and Nancy. NOTICE: She is 8 years old and UP to 30 pounds; quite remarkable. Leanna fitted her for a special chair that I was going to construct the next day in order to help her posture and to help her learn how to sit. Again Leanna worked miracles, evaluating the child and bringing them joy through play and laughter. Unfortunately, Lupita's mother Mimi was too busy watching television to notice. She seems to show minimal effort or interest in her daughter's life. It was heartbreaking and added another level to the suffering that I was witnessing. We noticed in the little house / room next door that a woman with 1 month old twins was struggling. We inquired as to how she was doing and discovered that Reisa, one of the twin girls had a horrible case of diaper rash and was extremely uncomfortable. Her mother, who was probably 3 years younger than me, was overwhelmed by the twins and her 2 year old son, and was treating the diaper-rash with corn starch. We went to a pharmacy in the states to buy the proper ointments and to drop Leanna off. Then we returned to alleviate some of the pain of that baby, giving the mom the ointment and telling her how to use it. Then we went to Casa Bugambilla to check on the patients there and wait for Dra. Nancy.

It is here between the hours of 9:30-10:30 that the highlights of my past couple of days have occured. Keep in mind that this has been a very long and trying day, as at times it was almost too much to see these kids struggle and to think about living as they do or as their parents do. I was tired and ready to relax in some air conditioning when one of the patients at Casa Bugambilla asked for my help. Chilito is an elderly woman recovering from a leg wound which doctors at first wanted to amputate until Dra. Nancy talked them out of it. Her leg is healing but it is extremely hard for her to walk, even with crutches. She told me that there were things in between her toes and that it was hurting her. I went to the kitchen, got some gause and sanitizer solution, and got down on my knees and began cleaning gunk out from in-between this woman's toes, and cleaning her feet. I was stuck by the moment as I realized what I was doing. To me the symbolism was amazing as the motive for my internship, to love people in a Christ-like way, was realized. I tell this not to brag or paint myself a better person than I am, but because it was an amazing moment for me as I felt acomplished in my desire to truly and instinctively love others. The other highlight is when Jabez, a two year old who lives at Bugambilla, came up to me and grabbed my finger. The whole week I had been interacting with him but felt a little resistance and hesitance from the little guy as he explored who this big gringo is. But, last night he ran up to me, grabbed my finger and led me outside. He pointed at the moon and said, "Mira!" (look). I picked him up and held him as I told him the word for moon, and pointed also at the stars, telling him the word for them as well. He was looking into the heavens with excitment and understanding of just how big and amazing it was, something I think we too often forget or don't care to take the time to look. We spent a few minutes just looking at the moon and stars, pointing, gazing, and smiling. I'm still not sure why that moment was so special, but it was.

This morning, I built the chair for lupita with help from handy-man Chuey. This took most of the morning as we made one little attachment after another until it rivaled the best thereputic chairs and standers that money can buy. It is an amazing chair that will hopefully aid in teaching Lupita how to sit and stand. Even more amazing though, is how everything fit together so well. For example, not only did the chair fit Lupita perfectly, but we found a tray that would fasten onto it without having to make any special cuts, and a number of small decisions turned out to allow for things we would only think of much later on. We would have an idea for an attachment and find that the way we built the chair was already able to accomodate what we wanted perfectly. Unfortunately, while Leanna fitted Lupita in the chair, Mimi (Lupita's mother) was more interested in a children's toy than any of the children present.

The extremely sad part of my day was this afternoon, when I discovered little Jabez alone in a hot upstairs room, tears still streaming down his face. His mom had left without telling anyone where or for how long. This little 2 1/2 year old was left to fend for himself, with no water, food, or anything. I played with him for several hours, waiting for his mother to return. When she didn't, Larry and I decided to take Jabez with us as we checked out a woman's house that needs a new roof (HPUMC readers --you'll probably see this roof, wink*). Then we went back to Casa Bugambilla to await for Jabez's mother to return. Hours passed, as Jabez and I played and played. Larry and I once again decided to take Jabez with us, but this time to Larry's house. I took Jabez upstairs and told him to get his shoes and a t-shirt. I grabbed a spare diaper, and looked down at him as he began to say, "y Mama? y Mama?" My heart dropped as I didn't know what to say to him. I just said we were going home with Larry. I saw the tears begining to form so I picked him up and started bouncing him, all the while thinking that I could just as easily start crying. Diana, Jabez's mother still had not called anyone and had been AWOL for about 6-7 hours; I should also mention she is 9 months pregnant. It was not until 11:00 tonight that she finally called us at the house and came to get him. I don't know what her excuse was and frankly, I don't care. There is no excuse, and as to how a mother could leave her 2 year old presumably alone for 10-11 hours is beyond me.

So, as you can see, its been an emotional couple of days. But I take comfort in the fact that I am truely alleviating the suffering of others, and that my being disturbed and upset is in itself a loving response. I take joy in that I have been given many opportunities to love others and live a life beyond myself, which is extremely fufilling.


Song of the week:
"Picture of Jesus" by Ben Harper

Paz,
Mateo

Mexican Parables

Today I taped and bedded dry-wall. It was not an overly exciting day, but one of a lot of work. In the morning two men presumably from the city water company threatened to turn off the water and sewage at Casa Bugambilla (the main refuge) if we did not show them a reciet for the last month. In other words we had to prove to them that we had paid them...stupid. But I thought tonight would be a good time to share some wisdom I've accumulated over the last couple of weeks:

• If you wish to drive well in Mexico, thou shalt not be afraid of crashing
• Wash and dry your hands thoughouly after eating jalepeños
• Every American seems to know "Un Poco español"
• Toilet paper, contrary to its name, does not go in the toilet
• If you give a dog a bone, he'll want another one. If you give a dog food, water, and a dry place to sleep; she'll never leave
• Like Christmas lights, police are really just for decoration.
• Homemade tortillas are better than store-bought, period.
• Paved roads are a privalage, not a right.
• If thou wise, thou shalt not wave at the Mexican Military Police at the border
• If you are convinced that the kids are talking about you, they probably are
• Happy Feet still doesn't make sense, even in Spanish
• Long drives means a sharing of lives
• Everything is better with a slice of lime
• We are all human.
• In Mexico, there's always mañana...

Paz,

Mateo

1 Turn at a Time

For the past two days I have been working alongside a volunteer group from a church in Oklahoma. It has been fun working alongside them and getting to know them. Their congregation and a few of their group members have had long-standing relationships with Juntos Servimos dating back years. It has been very re-assuring to see people commited to Juntos Servimos, and the relationships they form here.

My highlight of the last two days has been working with Alexis, who is the eleven year old boy with autism. The project of constructing seats and letting him drive the screws has gone better than I could have expected the last two days. On Monday, we introduced him to the screw-driver and helped him turn screws. It was a battle keeping him focused and determined. He would often run off, and we would have to yell out, "Ayudame! (Help me!). He would come back and make a few more turns. This went on until the noise of the saws were too much for him to handle--this was after driving about 40 screws. Today he drove 20 screws with me. Think for a second how many turns of a screw driver it takes to put in a 3 1/2 inch screw. Now multiply that to be applicable for an 11 year old. He turned the screw-driver a whole lot, requiring a lot of muscle use and repetitive motion. I had to apply some pressure and to make sure that the screw driver was lined up with the screw, but I had to do that less and less as we went on. The repetitive motion is thereputic for him. This project also gives him a goal, and a sense of accomplishment once his task is completed. No disease could mask his excitment upon completeing a screw, especially with minimal help from me. This may not seem like much, but getting him to do that is a huge first step (hopefully). Larry and I are even considering building him a small workshop if his interest in construction continues to become aparent. He has a creative mind and he has added onto a handcart already. If he continues responding well to the guided teaching of screws and such, maybe we can give him a creative, constructive outlet. This work has been very rewarding for him, and for me as well. I am very happy about this project and feel that it shows the personal care and creative healing geared toward each individual Juntos Servimos cares for.

Tomorrow I will act as a translator for Dr. Nancy, as we take a group of people to the fishing villages near the coast. We are returning a cancer patient to her home from a treatment, and will dispense some basic supplies. This will certainly prove to be challenging, as I am not exactly qualified to be a translator. Being the only bi-lingual person is a little daunting, but I have been surprised by how much my spanish has improved already, and hopefully this will continue.

I've appreciated the e-mails and facebook posts, so keep them coming!

Paz,

Matt

Matt Merrill: Teacher?

Today (Sunday) was a fairly light day, I even got to sleep in to 8:30! I proceeded to continue sub-categorizing reciets, and saying the many holas y buenas dias to Keyla. I was then asked to help Jesse with his homework, especially in English. This proved to be a difficult task, but I was happy to help in whatever way I could. Jesse and I worked on basic sentences, pronouns, and verbs for a little over 4 hours. He was obviously tired and frustrated, and I had to play the "diciplined parent" preventing him from watching TV or other distracting activities. It was not a role I enjoyed, but after a while he seemed to be getting better. I let him study some other subjects while I continued with the tedious reciets and expense reports. It was a boring but exhaustive morning with a wide spectrum of emotions. I saw tears when Jesse had to stay home and study with me while Nancy and the other kids went to a movie, and the amazing smile and high five after I confirmed that he answered a question correctly. Such swings in such a short time...

When Larry returned from "Al otro lado" or the other side (US). Jesse and I went with him and a volunteer group from Oklahoma to visit the Colonia Santa Maria, which is the construction project in which we are building a small school and where a woman and her 11 year old autistic twin boys live, and to visit Casa Bugambilla, the main refuge. The group wanted to see what work they were going to be doing this week, which consists of raising drywall, painting, and several other small construction projects. I will be working alongside them tomorrow, and working on a special project: I will be trying to construct a very basic bench with the help of Alexis, one of the autistic boys living there. This will entail me trying to get him to turn the screws and drive a few nails in its construction. No telling how this will go, but I love the idea of this project.

One of the highlights of today was spending a lot of time with little Jesse. We played for the most part this afternoon while the volunteer group looked around and found out what they were going to be doing all week. I felt like a big brother as I played with and translated for the 7 year old. He kept me laughing all afternoon, whether it was by climbing up on things only to jump onto me, coming up behind me and squirting me with little squirt guns, or asking me to blow bubbles so that he could run and smack them with his hands (Imagine him clapping loudly and yelling POP!) As tiring as the morning was trying to teach Jesse basic English, the afternoon proved to be very fun and refreshing. I go to bed tonight with high expectations for tomorrow.

Until later,

Matt

The Little Things

After living here for several days, I can begin to understand what being a "full time missionary" means. I often wonder how Larry and Nancy can do what they do day after day, and it still amazes me. But I find that there is always something to do, and you have to pace yourself. You are not going to get everything done in a day. Having said that, I have gotten to see (and do) all the little things that may never get noticed by volunteer groups, or social activists, but nonetheless make the mission possible. For example, Larry and I were dropping off supplies at a church stateside for a volunteer group that would arrive tonight. We found the storage area littered with dust, dirt, and wooden pallets. So, Larry and I moved all of the palets, swept the room, and organized all of the palets in a way that would prevent someone from breaking in through the flemsy back door. If we saw something out of place, we would put it back. We would move things that were probably ok where they were, to a better place. We did a lot of things that no one would ever notice, but they needed to be done.
As we took our time buying supplies and delivering them today, we did a lot of little tasks that were very important, yet not glamourous or overly noticable. Each time I would seem to sigh, as if it was just another thing to do. Clean this, spray that, move this entire half of the room upstairs, etc... But at the end of the day, I found myself doing things because I saw that they needed to be done. No sigh, no extended thought, just that something needed to be done. This to me is similar to doing the right thing because its the right thing, a daunting task as well. But the more time I spend learning what it means to serve constantly, the more I realize its in doing the small things that others will just put aside, try to slip by, or leave for someone else. I only hope to apply this ethic to other aspects of my life, professionally and personally.

adios para ahora, y vaya con paz,
"Mateo"

First Day: Solved the Immigration Problem

I have been in Mexico for two days now, and everything from last summer is flooding back to me in a vast flourish of memories and past thoughts. I am thankful for having spent 10 days here last summer as it prepared me for the things I would see and familiarized myself to some extent with the area. I have enjoyed continuing to get to know the area, its people, and their needs.

I am staying with Larry, Nancy, and their 3 adopted kids. This has proven to be amazing. I am surrounded by a loving family and three youngsters full of excitement and joy. This living situation also means I am spending almost 24/7 with Larry. It has been extremely enjoyable. On our many drives to different areas or even late at night we "ruminate" and just talk about the funny, serious, and in between areas of life. On one of our rides from the Santa Maria Colonia to Casa Bugambila, we solved the problem of illegal Mexican immigration to the US (I'll write up a policy memo later). Larry certainly keeps me laughing and engaged in thought throughout the day. I am thankful for the generosiy of Larry and Nancy as they bring me into their home and share their lives with me. It is already shaping up to be an amazing and impactful summer.

So far, I have taken literally a huge rubbermade 21.4 gallon storage box full of reciets, and sorted them according to month. Let me repeat to emphasize how big this box was, 21.4 gallons of reciets!! Now that I have them sorted November 2007-May 2008, I will sub categorize them by type of expense and turn that into the board of directors. I also have helped on a construction project in which Juntos Servimos is building a new school in the Santa Maria Colonia. I will soon be helping with a volunteer group that comes in Saturday.

I appreciate your prayers and concerns; be assured that I am safe and loving my experience. Don't be shy; feel free to e-mail me anytime! I tend to check daily.

Paz,
Matt

"The Time is Now"

“One’s destination is never a place, but a new way of seeing things.”
– Henry Miller

Well, now is the eve of my departure into Matamoros Mexico; into the plunge of servant-hood that I have committed myself to this summer. As I think about what lies behind me, and what lies ahead, I cannot help but feel solemnly excited. Oxy-moron you say? I think not. I am extremely excited about the work I will be doing, and the unbelievable opportunity that awaits. However, at the same time I am feeling some of the gravity of my task. As light-hearted as my boss Larry will surely make it, I am engaging into meaningful relationships with the sick, dying, and extremely poor. I’m representing the love of Christ, which has ultimately put me into this position. This summer is largely if not completely a response to the love I have been shown and have experienced.

In one of my days of lying on the couch for hours and watching movies, I watched Evan Almighty. One of the many great lines is when Ed Helms (a reporter) asks Evan, “What makes you sure God has called you?” Evan’s response in pure brilliance and wisdom was, “He called all of us.” One way or another, I am responding to God’s call, and I feel ultimately blessed to do so. I take down to Matamoros a loving heart, and a mind that is willing to serve and learn. I go with these words in mind from Matthew 25:40, “Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family,^* you did it to me.”

I am extremely excited and optimistic about the amazing experience I will have, and the good I will be doing. Please keep in touch with me via e-mail. That will be the best / least expensive way to get a hold of me. I will have my cell phone for emergencies and the such, but please do not send me any text messages as it is 50 cents to just receive one!

Welcome

Thank you for visiting my blog. I will be in Dallas in for most of May, and then in Matamoros for June and July. Please check back often for updates, especially in the months that I will be down there.

If you would like to research the organization I will be working for, their website is www.juntosservimos.org

Thanks and God Bless,
Matt